Week #22 – In mental neutral

This week, I went to write my blog post only to find I literally have nothing to say.

No, really.  Not a word, not a thought, nary a concept…

Stop laughing.

It’s forgivable; it does sound ludicrous, but I’m really not kidding.  I have run out of insights, wisdom, questions and energy.  I suspect that lack of sleep has something to do with my mental state being in neutral.  I started a new photography project on the first of March; taking pictures of every sunrise for a year, from the top of Barn Bluff (a local geographical point in Red Wing).  I’ve tried changing my mind, influencing my thoughts, deciding differently, and I’ve come to the conclusion that while mornings and I can get along when we have to, we will never be fond fellows.  I’m one of nature’s night owls, and I am perfectly happy that way.

Why then am I taking sunrise photos, particularly from a place 1001 feet above sea level that takes forty minutes just to walk/climb to?

Because I’ve never done it before.  Because I like taking pictures, and sunrises are great subjects.  Because it’s going to be difficult to do for an entire year, especially once the days get longer and longer and the sun starts rising at 5:30 AM – which will mean I’ll have to get up at four to be there on time – and even more difficult in the waning part of the year when the temperature drops, since if there’s anything I dislike more than getting up in the early morning it’s being cold.  Because it’s quiet up there, and there’s a kind of magic in watching a town wake up.  Because stellar mechanics are fascinating, and I’m looking forward to watching the sun migrate back and forth on the horizon over the year.  Because I hadn’t been doing much with my camera recently and I’d missed it.  Because I’ve been feeling more like a fraud with every week that passes and I’m not out among people to put these new techniques to the test, and not yet manifesting abundance in my personal or professional life – at least, not that I can see.  And I’ve had trouble with schooling my thoughts despite the Master Keys and Og’s Scroll IV… which is probably no more than my old blueprint and peptide addiction for feelings of low self-worth talking (thank heavens).

So on my walks up to the top of the bluff and back down I’ve been thinking about last Sunday’s webinar – thinking a lot of things, really (and recording my mental ramblings for my photo blog) – specifically about the part where Mark said basically that even if we have the desire and the ability to become everything we’ve ever dreamed, we need to pick one or two and stick with those.  It kind of reminded me of a scene in a book by Merguerite Henry (one of my favorite authors.  Wrote great horse stories about real-life horses and people, and did just exhaustive research for each book, but still made each book entertaining, easy to read, and real).  In Born to Trot, a book about the champion trotting mare Rosalind, main character Gibson White and his dad, accomplished trotting horse trainer Ben White, are at the doctor’s office – Gib’s been getting sick too often and his dad is concerned.  To draw an analogy, after finding out that Gib plays basketball, football, boxes, runs track and helps his dad at the track with the trotters, the doctor asks Gib, “What would you say if I had a promising yearling and I asked you and your dad to develop him into a runner, a trotter and a hunter?”  Gib says that he’d say he and his dad were too busy to take on any more horses.  When the doctor inquires why Gib would turn him down, Gib says, “Because it wouldn’t be fair to the horse.”

It’s unfair of us to expect of ourselves to be great at everything we ever wanted to do, even though we can be great at anything.

I love to write.  I love to take pictures.  Reckon that’s enough.  I don’t need to be a race horse, polo pony and jumper all in one.

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Time for me to hit the rack; the sunrise waits for no one.