I need to get to reading and commenting on my fellow MKMMAers posts, but I wanted to get this down while it was still fresh in my head.
I had written a post for the end of last week – didn’t publish it. I was not seeing the kind of results in my life that I kept hearing about, and I was wondering: Was I doing the exercises wrong? and Am I not focusing properly? and Did I put enough feeling into reading my index cards, DMP, Blueprint Builder? Am I putting less than 100% in, and if I am how can I tell? WHERE IS MY BREAKTHROUGH?
I decided to just have faith a little longer; it’s a process. There’s no set schedule.
I had written a post Sunday evening after the webinar, detailing how my mind was running in frantic circles over the ‘no opinion’ requirement for the next two weeks: What counts as an opinion? Am I going to have to stop giving away compliments? Will I have to keep face, voice and body expressionless, because all those give away my opinions, but I don’t WANT to be an emotionless statue again!
Didn’t publish that one, either. Decided that the exercise was going to be only just as difficult as I was going to make it, and that if I focused my thoughts to my subby on being a non-judgemental observer, I would be what I willed to be. The exercise became a game, and I’ve been developing the practice of always looking over my own shoulder – Was that an opinion? Are you SURE you’re doing this favor without hope of reciprocity? No, keep your mouth shut, that isn’t either a question or an observation.
So today I had an appointment at noon; Jerry had arranged for me to show our network marketing business to two of his coworkers during their lunch break.
I’ve never shown it all by myself before. I don’t like getting up in front of people. But in the back of my mind was my DMP and PPNs: Liberty; Spiritual Growth; certain dollar amounts by certain dates; the certainty that if I want that, I have to do this.
I set out everything I would need, double-checked I had everything in the car; in my head I was reviewing, rephrasing, repeating. As I was driving, I was saying aloud, “I can be what I will to be, I can be what I WILL to be, I CAN be what I WILL to be!” That sicky feeling in my stomach started when I was about halfway there – but before self-doubt and stage fright could paralyze me, I heard inside my head, “But the man who knows he has a solar plexus will not fear, he is too busy radiating courage, confidence, power.”
And I thought, I want to be magnetic. And in my head I heard my business and MKMMA buddy Don say, “There’s a thin line between fear and excitement.” and Davene’s voice sounded right afterwards, “Fear and excitement release the same peptides.” So I decided to feel excited.
And then I needed to set the cruise control so I wouldn’t speed.
I learned today that breakthroughs don’t have to be huge, or come with trumpet fanfares – they can be quiet, biding their time, and you won’t even know they’re there until you need them. And it’s true, so true, what the Master Keys say, that “the physical tissue is changed and the individual sees life in a new light.” The exercises, the readings, have begun to wear new grooves into my brain, my subconscious is starting to produce what I need to hear in order to keep moving forward instead of huddling in the past and allowing it to imprison my future.